Life on The Bathroom Floor: Empty Nest Part Two

As I well established yesterday, I am off of anything that reminds me of nests. In case you forgot, I hate frickin nests---as my metaphorical nest is enormously and permanently empty.

I couldn't eat yesterday, well other than the brownie. The life urge was devoid in me. As was my ability to spin it, put a good face on it or in anyway change it from exactly what it is right now. Another success of this delightful time, I think I managed to alienate a well meaning friend who tried to cheer me up; I fought tooth and claw to hold onto feeling exactly how I do. I left our interaction with egg on my face and a need to apologize.

And, everything else was pretty much the same. Lots of crying, Kleenex, and expletive yelling and unanswered questions posed to Kierkegaard's silent but deadly creator.

Today, I might be up for eating some miserable symbols of new life, i.e. eggs. Ugh, I hate new life. But, I do like the idea of cracking the eggs, destroying their capacity for new life. With each crack of the egg I say to no one in particular, "F*ck you! F*ck you new life."

My man weasel usually makes eggs that look like they had been intended for crispy, dry and lifeless confetti. When I am sad, eggs are often my comfort food. However, I am pretty picky about eggs. I like soft and smooshy eggs. Eggs that allow me to regress in to the non-verbal stage of development--i.e., food that requires no teeth. Just smoosh and swallow.

As I lie on the bathroom floor I searched for fool proof egg recipes to give my man-weasel---so he could make me eggs. that I could actually eat. Of course, I would do the breaking of the fertility symbols into a waiting Tupperware bowl and after I enacted that bitter and poignant symbolism I would descend into a puddle of tears onto the floor. My man-weasel would take it from there--the rest would be up to him. I would watch him whip up the eggs and I would sob like he had killed the Easter Bunny. That reminds me, I hate the frickin Easter bunny too. How many eggs does one bunny need?

I found the following recipe from Gordon Ramsay, should you need some soft, smooshy and tasty non-verbal fertility symbols.

Gordon Ramsay's recipe for fertility symbols that I might be able to eat without crying.

6 fertility symbols
25 g butter, cold and cubed
1 tablespoon creme fraiche
To garnish
fresh ground black pepper
chopped chives

1. Break fertility symbol into a pan and add the cubed butter.

2. Stir over a medium heat until the fertility symbols clump and then add the creme fraiche.

3. Remove from heat when fertility symbols are clumpy, but soft.

4. Season with freshly ground black pepper and garnish with a sprinkling of chopped chives.