The last election day

I remember every detail of the last Presidential election day. At 6 a.m. the alarm went off and I woke He-weasel and rustled him to reluctant consciousness. We did the zombie walk of preparedness. I dressed and blindly threw makeup on in the hallway as He-weasel shaved in front of our one sink. Before we walked out the door I grabbed a bottle of water and the good luck baby bear talisman that we took with us for each and every insemination and to each IVF and then to the inseminations after that.

We drove to the reproductive endocrinologists as we did four to five times a week. Our drives were often silent with sleepiness, nervousness and prayerful hope. It was the third artificial insemination and my numbers looked really good. We sat in the waiting room and waited to hear my name called. Couples came in and out of the office looking sad, scared, and hopeful---the classic look of a couple facing infertility.

Finally, we were brought into an exam room and I did the lower waist strip and covered myself with a modesty paper throw---and then we waited for the doctor to arrive. We were told our numbers looked really good and the doctor had an air of optimism that we both held as tight as we held each others hands. The doctor inseminated me silently. He-weasel looked deeply into my eyes and told me how much he loved me. We did what we could to make the moment not so clinical as it could have been the moment of conception and we wanted that moment to have something similar to a normal conception. The doctor left the room and we celebrated our good numbers and insemination. Then we began the two week wait.

He-weasel took me home and he went to work. My head was filled with hope as I drove to our polling place.I went into the polling booth and shut the curtain behind me and I happily cast my vote for John Kerry. I remember the feeling of glee as I walked to my car, I was so sure that Kerry would win and that I was pregnant. I was sure that the success of one was a good omen for the success of the other. I was so sure.

As, I watched the election returns and saw that I was wrong about the election I started to worry that maybe I was wrong about the pregnancy---maybe I wasn’t pregnant. The next morning it was concluded that Kerry lost and two weeks later I discovered that I was not pregnant. I cried over both outcomes, Bush and his red States and me and my red state.

I am so excited about voting today. Yet, the memory of four years ago is profoundly with me today as I prepare to go to the polls. I wonder whatever happened to that baby bear.

Photo comes from here.