Defense neck-ahnisms

Igor and I had a TOUGH session yesterday. The kind of session that makes one wonder if they have learned anything in their four decades of life and whether they ever will. So, I am fully, actively, willing, knowingly and without apology filling the chasm of grief, loss, emptiness and despair with goods from Target. Yes, Igor, I hear you. I know that necklaces cannot fill the hole that we discussed but I don't care. I am getting them anyway. I know that the charm bracelets were LOADED with meaning but these necklaces are symbolic of nothing.

Just in case Igor is reading this I thought I would take a tour of possible defense mechanisms he might accuse me of :

Denial: What necklaces?
Distortion: I wasn't buying the necklaces for me. I was doing it for the economy.
Delusional Projection: The aliens told me to buy the necklaces.
Projection: It wasn't me that bought the necklaces.
Repression: I don't remember any necklaces.
Intellectualization: I bought "bibb necklaces" as I need protection from my mother's lack of careful feeding.
Projective Identification: As soon as He-weasel came home he had an unexplainable urge to buy me necklaces.
Reaction Formation: I didn't want those stupid necklaces.
Regression: Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Me want necklaces, now.
Rationalization: I think I did that above with my explaining why I deserve them.

While all of these defense mechanisms may be involved in my new neck ware, sometimes a necklace is just a necklace---except when they are bought within hours of a session that has grabbed you by the throat and left you gasping for air and a way to forget everything Igor said.


My first purchase in my "forgot what Igor said" plan was what I like to call the "I am not blue and in no need of worry beads necklace". I know this picture is little but this necklace is BIG on style at a tiny price. I bought this necklace because J Crew no longer had there blue bubble necklace at $150. I am glad they didn't. I am crazy mad in love with this necklace and there is truly magic in this necklace. I put it on as soon as I got it with a long sleeve tee and a pencil skirt and ballet flats and I was transformed from super-shlumpy and sort of sad into super-chic and cheerful. That is a whole lot of magic for $39.99. I cross my heart and swear to Freud that this necklace is even cuter in person and the quality is amazing( not always the case for Target jewelry).

When I got home from Target with my new necklace, lavender scented Tide and a Lily toy, I still felt this abysmal abyss that Igor and I discussed and so I went to Target.com. See, I initially planned on buying the Jcrew necklace for $150 and since I got the Target necklace instead that meant I still had $110.01 left for necklaces that will bring a little colour to my black and navy blue wardrobe and short term joy to my blackened and bruised psyche. I found this coral drop bead necklace for $39.99 and this Erik Beamon for Target cluster bubble beaded necklace for $49.99 . I was feeling better and yet I yearned for more.

I know I am going over budget with this final necklace, the Erickson Beamon for Target jeweled white cluster 36" pendent at $49.99, but I don't care. Really, if you knew how bad the session with Igor was you would encourage this reckless retail therapy. Need more justification? There was the Neiman Marcus caper and the Lake Bluff grief and last weeks encounter with bird friend and then there have been reported cases of porcine influenza in my area. I am stressed, hormonal, house hunting and out of brownie mix. A Venetian blond weasel can only take so much.

I found my purchases so much more satisfying than Igor's suggestion that I should get through this rough patch by telling myself that I am home wherever I am and how I should be my own friend and all the other stuff he said that when in one ear and out the other. Words fade; necklaces from Target last at least a season.

p.s If you are feeling a drive to order any of these necklaces from deep within your unconscious and your Superego can't stop you and you have a AAA club card you can save 10% on all Target.com orders by clicking here . If you spend more than $50 on jewelry you get free shipping. How's that for a rationalization?