In a letter from a dear friend about my upcoming move to France, mon amie said, "this is really goodbye somehow.. goodbye to the "old" La Belette Rouge and hello to some French version of the you I used to know... I cannot wait to hear your version of a bad French American accent!! But, I'd love to hear a Texas French accent"( hmm, well, see I have a gift or a curse for doing accents, depending on your appreciation of accents. I do a Connecticut WASPy accent, Texas accent, a California valley girl accent, and a monster accent (actually, I do Kate Monster's voice from Avenue Q). But that is not really related to today's post, so let me get back on track.
My friend's suggestion that I will be changed by France has haunted me. I know it is true. I am just not sure what France is going to do with me or who I will become once I am there. I am a believer in both nature and nurture, and maybe a little in the power of place or geomancy. We left Seattle, Washington when I was a little girl and I have always been sure that if we stayed there I would have become a different person than I am today. I know it to be true the way I know I am right handed. As long as we lived in Los Angeles I knew it wasn't my home and that for many reasons, including: weather, lack of seasons, it being a site of many of the early trauma's of my life, and for reasons I could not name, I could not fully be myself in sunny southern California.
When we moved to Chicago I was changed almost as soon as we landed at O'Hare International Airport. Somehow, in the multi-seasonal, cold-freezing-humid hot environs of Lake Michigan, I became extroverted. In a winter parka and thermals I was happier and felt more immune to life's hardships than I did in the endless summer of 70 degrees and the eternal sunshine of L.A. I suppose that the manicness that relentless sunshine requires is not a good match to my more cloudy temperament. When it is always sunny and bright there is no excuse to stay indoors and read a good book or to make a pot of soup and ponder. In Chicago there are many days for book reading and soup making and because those needs were adequately met, I was free to get my nose out of a book and get out of the house. I am still blown away by how much the windy city changed me.
In my move from L.A. to Chicago, I went from a person who described herself as shy and introverted to highly social and with a network of amazing friends. I even became the alumni coordinator for my college. And, I can assure you that when I was living in SoCal I would have been voted the least likely to take on that challenge.
There is no doubt that living in France will change me. Just having a dream fulfilled will be a balm to my psyche, after all the disappointments and dashed hopes we have endured. Living in France was a dream that I have had since I was in high school. As I will be living my dream come true, I am sure, I will be emboldened to dream some more.
In France I will smile more, I mean, Mon Deu I will be in France and that is enough reason to make me smile. I will have better skin, thanks to all the French pharmacies and their magical potions. I will eat better, even if only thanks to Picard. I will drink better wine. I will walk more, how could I not? The environment is much more conducive to a flâneure than the Northbrook Mall. God willing, I will write more. I will learn to work a scarf in ways that may one day rival Deja Pseu's fierce scarf working skills. I will, in spite of my brain that fights French contractions like nobodies business, become as fluent in French as I can be. There will be changes and transformations I could never anticipate. Changes that are unexpected and unforced and will happen in spite of myself. And, as I start to say goodbye to the Austin me, I look forward to meeting the French version of the me that I used to know.
Image of Emerging at Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport from here.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
How Will France Change Me
Posts
44 comments:
I'd be glad to know an amazing person like you at any stage of your life, Ruby!
And I'm sorry this is totally unrelated to this post. I read your blog entry (the one before this) at the office and was interrupted so I'm commenting here. Be happy that you are sailing through the storm. To emerge after being submerged is one great feeling (I'm wandering off, but I hope you get what I mean :-)).
Love you lots!
(Dang, that's a dog in the carrier there - any news from the vet about Inks and his future travelling?)
We cannot help but be shaped by everything that surrounds us. Each place brings forth a facet of ourselves and you will find one in France, perhaps consciously new to you, but one that has always been there.
I'm fascinated with how much the move to Chicago changed you.
I say amen to the perpetual summers in your old locale. I too escaped Hawaii for that reason. Well among others... The idea of 'home' is a complicated matter but ultimately only your gut affirms. Tho I am finding out that i'm very at home in the fluidity of the 'road'.
You will change. You will still be LBR with expanded dimensions (and I dont mean your suit size). You will be LBR with layers of fabulousness, and depth of experience added on.
Lynn: Merci!! I feel the same way about you.
And, yes, today is better than yesterday. There is no telling when the baby storm hits. I am always grateful when it passes.
Thanks for asking, Lynn. I am supposed to hear from the vet about their suggestions about how best to travel with Inks. And, the specialist thinks that he has either Intestinal disease or Lymphoma---but that is just her guest. We can't do the definitive test on him as that would require anesthesia and we won't do that to his sweet little heart. But, Lynn, I know deep in my heart the specialist is wrong and that Inks does not have either of those diagnoses. Now that he in on Pepsid he is fine.
Love you too!xo
Randal: My sense is that being in France will give me a greater sense of creative freedom. In France I feel a kind of personal freedom that I don't feel here. I do wonder if that will change as my French improves. I certainly hope not.:-)
And, I so agree, the change that occurs will be me connecting to a part of myself that was there all along and not something that is totally foreign. Like you say, the exterior landscape of a place allows us to access different aspects of our inner landscape. And, the more an outer place matches our inner landscape the more at home we feel---at least, that is how I hope it works.:-)
Sending up prayers for Inks, that gorgeous furball.
Hugs for you.
WendyB: Me too. I really never imagined that a place could make me extroverted. I was astonished by the transformation. It is certainly an argument for travel. "Change your location; Change your life."
SUR: I know so many people who live in climates of contrast envy the kind of perpetual summers you and I were raised in. But, gasp, there is a dark side to all of that sunshine--and I am not just talking about premature againg.;-)
The fluidity of home is a concept I have been thinking a lot about, lately. I know it smacks of platitude, but home really is where the heart is.( I know that is a groaner). That being said, we are impacted by where we are. I would argue that we are profoundly impacted by our environment--and because of this we would benefit by being more conscious about our environment and architecture that we construct. And, I am sure as an architect you know this more than most.
I have a totally random thesis that the rising rate of depression and the upsurge of master planned communities have an undeniable corollary. I could be wrong.;-)
I really am looking forward to seeing how France changes me. I am certain it will. And, I love your prediction,'Layers of fabulousness and added depth without added weight.' That sounds good to me!!;-)
Lynn: Inks and I thank you.xo
Our environment really shapes us. It is not the core of who we are but it draws out specific aspects of self and undeniably affects our behavior and thoughts. It is so interesting to hear you speak of yourself in L.A. and in Chicago. That really resonates for me. Too much sun and no seasons makes me feel very irritated and stifled. But it is nice to experience that change/difference throughout our lives, as it makes us more aware of who we are at the core.
France will absolutely shape you and in amazing ways you cannot even dream of right now. I know that this will be a wonderful change and your courage will specifically make it so. You are a wonderful writer and living out one's dreams seems to me the best inspiration for writing. No doubt, you will write beautiful and amazing things wherever you go, but I see France drawing it out of you more effortlessly.
I have often wondered this.... who would I have been if.... if I took road A as opposed to road B. No matter, the French version of you will be beautiful just like the Seattle, LA, Chicago and Austin you. You are building chapters of your book. I can't wait to read the next!
Yes, this is so true about how a place changes you. I know for a fact that there is nowhere else in the U.S. where I could live happily other than the Northeast. Sunny California? YUCK! Florida? NEVER!
Paris, though? Absolutely!
After you receive EU citizenship, would you consider adopting a 38-year old woman?
To stay forever the same is to stagnate. Everyone int the world should be as open to change as you are.
Bon chance!
I’ve always been fascinated by how one is shaped by geography. I mean really, how do second generation Norwegian-Americans end up in Miami?? We don’t have the skin for it!! But enough about my spots.
The other day Chiclette told me that she thought it would have been nice to grow up in one place, as I had. The funny thing is that I felt like an alien growing up in Miami, even as small child. I explained to Chiclette that she’s a Viking girl and thus destined to roam. As for me, Paris is the one place I truly feel at home.
France will change you in ways that you cannot expect or prepare for. Be ready to roll with it.
Bisoux,
Karen
B: Thank you so much for your sincere words of support and kind compliments. All that you see for me, I see for you. I feel certain that France is merely level one on your amazing journey filled road. I so look forward to the resulting writing and the subsequent journeys that spring from your courageous Goethe like leap to Paris. Watching you take courageous leaps towards Paris and your self inspires me to leap towards Paris.
As you wrote about on your beautiful blog, not only will France change us---but just having the courage to follow our dreams and to dare to say them out loud changes us.
Even as transformed as I feel by all that is occurring in my outer world. I feel positive that France is only just beginning to have its impact on my inner life and we haven't even gotten on the plane yet. So excited to see where France takes us and our writing. Merci, mon amie.
F.O.T.: And, the same goes for you. I am so looking forward to reading your book. I am so curious how you feel France is changing you. Perhaps it is too soon to tell. Do you feel like you won't know until you are there more permanently? Or, are you already feeling a bit changed by France?
I heart fashion: Well, the good news is I wouldn't have to pay for your braces or college. Would you mind if I bought you cute little outfits and pushed you around in a baby buggy? If not, you may have your EU citizenship in the bag.;-)
Miss Janey: Thank you! I totally agree that stagnation sucks. ;-)
Karen: Sounds like you and I had similar experiences on opposite coasts. And like you, I feel like Paris is my soul home. But just because a place is a good match to your spirit it does not mean it is challenge free. Am I right?
Last week I was talking to my French teacher from Brittany and it is her dream to move to L.A. I tried to warn her about the smog, traffic, and overcrowding. She wouldn't hear it. She feels about L.A. the way we do Paris. Go figure.
As, I did not have the kind of exposure to travel I envy Chiclette's traveling life. Yes, Lief Ericsson has nothing on her. But, I suppose we always want we didn't have; it is human nature.
I would love to talk to Chiclette about how she feels impacted by all her various homes. Looking forward to doing this when she gets back from visiting the turtle/horses.;-)
congratulations on your dream come true of moving to paris. france will indeed touch you and shape you in the most wonderful ways.
in connection, prepare to meet... yourself!
i think when we are attracted to a place it is for a reason... there is so much to learn and discover that shapes our evolving.
when i lived in madrid i went to discover a new country, culture and meet new people. and i did. but to my surprise i found myself there. i was alone and learned to keep my own company in the midst of all the adventures. a wonderful surprise.
amusez-vous!
L"air du Temps: So nice to see you here. Thank you do much for visiting my blog.
I think you are so right. I really do believe that in France I will become even more of myself. I so agree, that there is a reason we are attracted to a certain place. There is something that place has to teach us about ourselves or something about ourselves that we are projecting onto the place.
Either way it is an enormous opportunity to learn more.
I feel like I got into the college of my dreams and I am about to go learn amazing things about art, food, language, literature, history, architecture and I will leave with an advanced degree in bliss.
Your time in Madrid sounds like it was extraordinary and that you learned much more than you expected to. It is amazing how much travel can teach us about ourselves.:-)
You'll be changed even more because you are willing to be changed!
Though France will be your home, it is not immediately your country. That takes awhile, for some, never.
My French Canadian in-laws spend part of the year living in the US. They say, "We have to remember we are not 'chez nous'"- they censor certain opinions out of consideration that they are not American citizens.
Hahaha...I can go along with the baby outfits as long as they're Petit Bateau! And being pushed in a carriage sounds great for my arthritis. You've got yourself a middle-aged, big-footed baby!
As a social scientist I must say that environment has a great influence in one’s life.
Everything that surrounds us influences us because it interacts with us, the people, the environment, the clime and even the geography.
But human being has another part that results from education and socialization. Principles and cultural rules hardly change with these factors.
As a friend I must say that no matter where you go, your principles will stay the same so the wonderful person you are will be wonderful no matter you’ll be in Austin or in Paris, regardless the local culture.
I share the same feelings, I’m so happy to have you and feel you as friend, ma belle.
You’re a great woman, I’m proud we’ve met.
I just hope we could stay in touch.
Luv
xoxo
I heart fashion: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The adoption papers are in the mail!
I promise to dress you in the chicest of Petit Beateau, and feed you the finest organic baby food. I do worry about how I cam going to carry you around in a sling though.;-)
Duchesse: Point well made. I was reading on an expat blog about some expats who refuse to eat the local food and complain incessantly about the French. I cannot imagine moving there unless you are open to the experience. But, I suppose some are going because of their spouses work.
However, as you know, Austin was not my choice. But once I got her I made the most of it and have surrendered to the experience. I am not sure how, but I do think even my time in Austin has changed me.
Seeker: Whether nature or nurture; Paris or Austin---I too am glad you are my friend. :-) And, I agree, I do not believe in tabula rosa. I believe that we are born with certain talents, temperaments and abilities. All that we come with is then affected by our environment.
I feel certain that we will always stay in touch---me moving to France won't stop me from seeking the Seeker.;-) xo
So true. London changed me. For the better.
I finally was able to embrace the person I was but was uncomfortable being in the small city of my birth.
Being in a long established city, where anything goes and an antipodeon accent had cache, I met life long friends who told me they liked the extroverted me, and my geekiness was to be implored, not laughed at.
*Le sigh* I feel another post coming on....
I hope to read all about the changes. This was a great post.
Sez: I know so often the advice people give is that you can't change by moving and that wherever you go there you are.
I don't think it is absolutely true. And, I think that part of it, for me, was going to a new place that wasn't loaded with memories of me in the persona of shy and introverted. I am so happy that London allowed you to become more yourself and that you found friends that appreciate the real you.
I very much like the extroverted and geeky you.I am looking forward to our extroverted and geeky adventures together when you visit France. And, I am also looking forward to your upcoming post!!
I hope that France changes you....if it doesn't then you are doing something wrong. You are moving to a new country, a foreign country, FRANCE! New language, new friends, new house, new food, great wine, fresh bread every day, flakey croissants, duck, milk bottles that look like bleach (i was so freaked out by that). Where you are right now is open...you are an open book and you have a new life starting.
My husband and I feel that every 10 years you should change something - your career and then maybe where you live. The world is so big and there are so many places to see and so much to do.
I'm exciting to hear how is has changed you. Be open to anything & everything!
Chicago should be very good training for Paris' wet weather. Parka - yes..
hat - no.
Smiling in Paris - taboo
Inner smiling - yes!
Alisa: It is so exciting to be in the midst of this process with other bloggers who are going through the same journey.
As you say, I am an open book--and a book filled with pate', cheese, wine, baguette, bridges, art, friends and France is a book that I want to read! I look forward to reading the book that France writes in you.
I like your philosophy. You and your husband are very wise--there is so much of the world to experience and I would feel like I missed out on so much if I forever lived in the same city doing the same thing. I suppose some are happy living that kind of life. It is just not for me.
CarolG: Smiling may be a hard habit for me to break. I am a big smiler. I am not even sure I would want to break myself of it. I suppose I will just learn to save my smile for special occasions. Ooh, that is going to be hard.
I am hoping I won't need my -40 degree Eddie Bauer parka in Paris. Please tell me I won't.;-)
It definitely won't be challenge free. But what kind of a hero's journey would it be if it were cushy all the time? ;-)
I think Chiclette is just feeling wistful about the classic American high school experiences she is missing out on: prom, walking in graduation and doing the tassle thingy, etc. And she's stressing about not being American enough when she goes off to university in the States. "What if I'm asked a question in class and I don't know the right word in English?" It's not always easy being an third-culture kid. But she definitely has wanderlust, so it's hard to imagine her staying in one place forever.
Salut!
You'll end up changing here in Paris, most people do. As for me, this place has made me bolder and more daring. Whereas I used to hesitate to make my way in the crowds, today I go there heads on. There are so many folks around that you just have to push your cause a little. But I absolutely love this French-found courage in me;)
Susu: Thank you so much for sharing a little bit about how Paris has changed you. Boldness! Love it!!
I could do with a little more boldness. I tend to say excuse me and sorry a little too often---even when it is someone else who bumped into me. Perhaps the Cowardly Lion should have gone to France instead of Oz.;-)
You're definitely right, it will change you. It's funny, but it wasn't even something I'd considered before, but my recent trip back to the US only served to make me realize that I had changed, and much more than I'd ever thought. Even stupid things like forgetting I could turn right on red!!
Samantha: It is funny how the change can be so subtle and insidious( and I don't mean that in a bad way) that you don't even know it has happened. I would be so curious what other changes you have noticed. And, it is good to know that you can't make a right turn on red in France. Samantha, thanks for that.:-)
If you want to start practicing your French scarf tying skills now, check out Hermes' or Brooks Brothers online scarf tying guides. I love my silk scarves and pashminas!
Franco Fille: Thanks for that! Yes, best brush up now. Scarves and scarf tying skills are necessary for French residency. There might even be a test at the consulate office to see how many ways I can tie a scarf.;-)
I don't know - it's mostly tons of little things, like how I expect people to react in public situations, or my table manners, or how I forget stores are open during lunch time/on Sundays. It's so many of those little things that used to seem so strange to me, but have now become normal.
So far I have been here almost a year (I have one more week to go) and I like how France has changed me. It has been hard at times, but I am now a better version of who I was, at least in my mind. I can already tell I am going to lose some friends from home because of the distance, probably not so much because of the changes. But I have gotten over my fear of losing friends many years ago... the ones that stay will always be there. I am now more patient, more open-minded, more understanding, and above all more tolerant to change. It really takes a lot to bother me at this point and I can find positive in almost any situation (even though I do complain from time to time, deep down I don't mean it and it is just venting). I think you will like who you become, so be open to change.
PS... I do a wicked awesome Bostonian accent. My normal accent is a subtle Rochestarian (thanks to my Dad) - Long Island (thanks to friends from college) - long southern 'O' (from my years living in the south) mix. And it changes depending on how many beers I have ;-)
Justing, bostonian accent? Nice. They use "fuckin'" like a pause between thoughts. It's funny.
Samantha: It is good to hear that those things become normal after time. The USA is such an instant gratification culture I do know that it will take some time to learn some patience. I suppose that is as it should be.;-)
Justin: Hope to some day hear your array of accents. When I lived in Sweden for a year, if I didn't want the Swedes to understand me I would do a valley girl accent. It really worked.
And, I am so happy to hear that you feel France has changed you into a better version of who you were. That is my sense of what will happen to me.
Opneness seems to be the key. I feel that I am an open person by nature. I am really excited about all that France has to teach me. Thanks so much for your comment!
p.s. My Texas accent gets much better with cocktails. Well, it sounds better to me.;-)
F.O.T.: Cursing as punctuation marks.With the f-bomb available who needs periods or exclamation marks?
Post a Comment