Ten things I was thinking on Tuesday

1. Good news!!
We don't have to sign a lease. We can stay here month to month with no rent increase. Not that I want to stay here, but you know what I mean.

2. Lily needs an agent and/or an attorney
Did anyone realize that Lily is a movie star? Each time a small child sees her they squeal, "Bolt!"

3. I have hair like Maegan's
Thanks to, gorgeous blogger, ....Love Maegan I tried Dove Color Repair Therapy Shampoo and Garnier Fructis Instant Melting Conditioner: Sleek and Shine. I like them as much or more than the Frederik Fekkai Shea butter shampoo and conditioner that I have been using for years and that cost me almost $35 a bottle. The Dove shampoo and the Garnier Fructis conditioner together were under $10. I am saving over $65 and my hair is just as soft and silky. Now, truth be told, my hair is nothing like Maegan's but my products are. Perhaps with consistent use I will turn into a highly glamorous fashion blogger.

4. A heartbreaking kidnapping of staggering dreaminess
I dreamt that Dave Eggers kidnapped me. Any interpretations from any armchair Igors?

5. A memoir a week makes the chances of publishing feel less bleak ( and, no, I am not a poet)
I have decided to read a memoir/book of essays a week. It seems I am spending way too much time on my own story for both good and for bad (what is good for the book can be a little hard on me). I need to read something that gets me out of myself and yet feels as if it is helpful for my own writing.

I recently read a memoir that was not great ( this is not the book I discuss below in #2). I have to tell you that I forgot the sheer joy of reading a memoir that is not funny, smart, inspiring or insightful and that it still got published and lauded with praise by critics---all the while boring me to tears. In fact that the bad memoir is much more motivating than reading a brilliant one. I fear that I am going to read all the good ones first and then finally, when I run out of the good ones, I will eventually find the crap ones. Maybe I should rethink this and do one good memoir to one crap, or perhaps two bad ones to every good one is the most motivating ratio.

On my book stand are books that I am sure all fall into the good category: Unreliable Memoirs by Clive James; The Wishing Year: A house, a man, my soul. by Noelle Oxenhandler; How to be Alone by Jonathan Frazen; The Disappointment Artist by Jonathan Lethem and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max.

6. I read "Who do you think you are?"
I sat on the floor at Barnes and Noble the other night and read the whole thing from cover to cover in two hours."Who do you think you are?" by Alyse Myers is the story of a mother that didn't love her daughter, told by a daughter who didn't love her mother. I had seen Alyse interviewed on "The View" about her book on the Friday before Mothers day and I knew this was a book I had to read.

Alyse's mother was a horror, think "Mommy Dearest" without the wealth, fame or wire hangers. While this is not an easy topic to read about there is something in the way that Alyse tells the story that you don't feel vicariously traumatized as you read it. As great as Augusten Burroughs' "Wolf at the Table" is, and it is, I had a VERY hard time reading it. It was torture to read and yet it was so well written that I couldn't put it down and I am glad I didn't.

Somehow Alyse manages to make the torment of her childhood bearable to read. I know that sounds weird. Let me give you a metaphor to explain, you know how in some movies the way the camera focuses in up close and tight and the music that is used makes it almost unbearable to watch and other films the camera feels far back and the focus fuzzy and there is no high tension violin music to heighten the internal tension. In that metaphor Burroughs' book is film one and Myers' book is film two.

Don't get me wrong, it was shocking to read that she was kicked out of her home at 12 and that she had her long hair cut off as a punishment for cutting off her sister's Barbie doll's hair. I gasped out loud when I learned that her mother has thrown away her journal that her father gave you before he died. I suppose it is the message that her father gave her, that if you write down the bad things then they can't hurt you, that helped both the reader and the writer endure the abuse.

I liked the book for several reasons. I liked the narrator. Something about Alyse's writing made me feel as if I was reading a Judy Blume book only much darker. There was a simplicity of the stories telling that helped me as a writer. I was reminded that a simple story is enough. Don't need to get over complex or clever to have a published book. I also appreciated the honesty of the author. She, upon her mother's death did not go into a rewrite of her mother. She has the courage to say that she didn't like or love her mother and I think there is an enormous taboo that prevents many women from admitting that.

7. Daydreaming is good for me
Mrs. Capp, my 6th grade teacher, was wrong. What I need to do is stop paying attention and get to day dreaming. Take that, Inner-critic! I need to take more baths and work less. If the Wall Street Journal said it then it is true and they did and they source Archimedes (who,by the way, I think, was ripped off. See, Oprah is forever talking about "light bulb moments" or "ah-ha moments" and that is Archimedes' line and she should credit him each time she quotes him or at least invite him to her Favorite Things show). I am assure Archimedes would enjoy some Claus Porto Soaps from Lafco, New York or a Barefoot Dreams Bathrobe for once he got out of the bath and the water was no longer displaced.

Now, would someone now do a study that proves procrastination is good for you?

8. I am in the navy now
I am all of as sudden in love with navy. Where have you been all my life, navy? It seems that navy is black without all the darkness. I am not sure why it took me so long to figure that out but it was an insight worth waiting for. I wore my new navy cardigan with white jeans and my Coach fuchsia flats and I was getting stopped by strangers to tell me how much they like my outfit.

9. I stink good
I love-love-love the Jo Malone Orange Blossom Body Crème. The cream lasts MUCH longer than the perfume( which lasts three seconds). I put the cream on over four hours ago and I can still smell orange blossoms. If I had it to do over again I would have just gotten the cream as it is much less expensive and it actually lasts.

10. I can't curb my enthusiasm for Woody
After I get my hair done today I am going to play hooky and go see Woody Allen's new film "Whatever Works" starring Larry David. This afternoon I will be eating popcorn and drinking diet coke and enjoying the delicious goodness of a movie that makes existential despair funny.